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We set up the guestbook reply pages as a place to respond to the questions and comments that our readers post to our guestbook. On these pages, each guestbook question appears in italics, followed by our reply. As many of the questions asked are about matters of interest to all of our readers, we've tried to make the responses general enough to be useful to others who find themselves in situations similar to those of our guests.

There are two ways to read the replies. You can select a reply page, directly below, and read the material on it. Or you can browse by question. We recommend the second method to folks looking for an answer to a specific question.

Important Note: In the guestbook replies, there are many references to a listing of sites where personal ads can be placed. That list is not currently available, since it got way out of date. We will reconstitute and correct it as soon as we have time to commit to that large project.

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GUESTBOOK REPLIES - PAGE 3

GUESTBOOK REPLIES - PAGE 4

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1. What is Pony Training?

2. What is all this Gor stuff, anyway?

3. Is it possible for a man with a very low fixed income to exercise his dominant?

4. How do I communicate to my overly gentle boyfriend the kinds of things that I want?

5. How can I contact submissive women in [YOUR LOCATION GOES HERE]?

6. My dominatrix acquaintances won't share their female submissives with me even though I am a DOMINATOR! How do I find submissives on my own?

7. How do I move from my virtual BDSM life with its on-line masters to real life and find myself an RT (real-time) master?

8. How can the transition from virtual to actual be made, and are there any pagans involved in BDSM?

9. Can I be part of your book even though the deadline for interviewees has passed?

10. My dominant of many years died. How can I be a solitary submissive? What helps when you're alone? I also have a vanilla lover who I love deeply and who has dominant potential but doesn't know about my needs (I don't think he's ready to know, either), and now a former master who's experienced and can satisfy my sexual cravings has started calling again This situation is getting very complicated: help!

11. Am I submissive or am I just reenacting childhood traumas?

12. Is there anything written for those of us who are into ageplay: daddy-girl or mommy-girl space?

13. How do I let go after two extremely bad first SM experiences?

14. We're an older couple, just beginning to explore dominance and submission: how do we get started?

15. Any tips for a couple just beginning an extreme power-exchange relationship? We live in a very rural area.

16. What considerations should a submissive who's been through sexual abuse take? I've recently met a female dominant on the Web whom I like very much.

17. My dominant is married to someone else and cannot spend as much time with me as I feel I need. How do you handle the cravings this situation causes?

18. Where can I find a copy of Different Loving?

19. I'm a black male hunk looking to meet submissive and dom white females. What's the best way to connect?

20. Tell me about mentors: how do you find one, how long does the process take, what do you avoid when looking for a mentor?

21. Why don't you two stop griping so much about the Scene?

22. How do I tell if I really am submissive and how deep my submissive feelings go? Also, how much of the information about myself that I get from D&S Scene participants can I trust?

23. I am contemplating entering a casual relationship with a dominant and would like to know what to look out for as I do not have a lot of experience in this area.

24. My husband and I switch. Do you look down on relationships such as ours?

25. Are people in an absolute relationship turned on all the time? If so, how do they concentrate on nonsexual activities?

26. What role does trust play in power exchanges? For example, when is disclosure unwise for a sub, and how much can a dominant ask?

27. Is it common for dominants to have more than one slave? How do I deal with the jealousy when he's with someone else?

28. I belong to an SM support organization and believe that some of the things you say about such groups as to their being unsafe are untrue.

29. I have a problem with the background color of your site.

30. How does being abused sexually or just physically affect an adult female's choice to become submissive?

31. My husband is a gentle dom, and sometimes while I am at work I have cyber fantasies. What a hot way to cheat safely and secretly! Does anyone else find cybersex satisfying?

32. I really dislike the way you FORCE people to go through your advice pages to get to the personal-ad links. I find this very obnoxious.

33. I have a low pain threshold and am worried about being permanently damaged or even just passing out. How do I talk to a new partner about this? Also, we are discussing switching. Can this be done? If so, how, and what are the pitfalls?

34. What is the difference between a submissive and a slave?

35. Slavery implies that the slave was FORCED into the submissive role. Because Polly CHOSE her lifestyle, she is not a slave. The fact that she cannot leave the relationship is not enough to make it one of slavery.

36. You site is whiny, critical, and way too wordy: all the worst of the feminine characteristics. What are you expecting from a group of people who take sexual pleasure in controlling, humiliating, and inflicting pain on women? Get real!

37. What are some of the emotional and cognitive journeys that dominants have to make in order to effectively partner their chosen submissive? Is there a place where a dominant could go to learn from the writings of other dominants?

38. I think you are too hard on the playparty crowd. Parties and the Scene do serve several useful purposes.

39. Do I stand alone in thinking that all women, but particularly liberated ones, are likely to be submissive?

40. I have had submissive feelings since my teens. I recently came out to my husband about them, but, while he doms me a little, he's clearly only going through the motions. He seems to have no dominant feels and says he is simply doing these things for me. Any insights into this problem?

41. Don't you think that I'm a true dominant because I let my wife punish me? Also, Jon, don't you become really overdriven when Polly serves you so perfectly?

42. I am interested in becoming a better submissive for my master. How can I do this?

43. Why isn't there any literature around on switches? Are we the only ones? Also, does practicing BDSM from the bottom help cleanse a submissive who's been abused from certain angers and help make her face what she really fears: helplessness?

44. My husband has recently discovered that he is a dominant, but I have no submissive desires. As a result, he wants to establish a relationship with another woman--a submissive--on a part-time basis. He says our relationship will be primary, but I am very uncertain about entering into this kind of arrangement. Do you have any advice or comments for me?

45. Could you elaborate on the "abusers seek out those who are already submissive" theme? Are you saying that submissiveness is inherited and that people who are submissive at birth become targets of partners or others with abusive streaks? Also, have you heard of something called a "constructive" D&S relationship which ultimately leads to the sub no longer needing her master's guidance?

46. Do you think a 72-year-old female is too old for an active sex life?

47. How does one go about seeking people in their surrounding area to meet with?

48. Is there any published written list of rule of behavior for submissives? I know a man I want to obey, but I am terrified of disappointing him because I don't know all the rules.

49. You seem to feel the need to set up the right and wrong way D/s relationships should be and annoint your own as the right way. My quarrel is not so much with your specific claims but rather the message you are sending out to people new at this or unsure of themselves, especially young people who are just discovering their D/s needs.

50. My closeted/bisexual Sub and I were exploring BD/SM together, and after our first session, she ran like the wind back to her vanilla boyfriend and hasn't given me the time of day since. Do you have some advice for me?

51. Do you think it possible to teach an abusive vanilla man the basics of a power-exchange relationship? If so, do you know where I can find a good mentor?

52. Polly, in this relationship, how can you keep a hold of yourself? If who you are is defined by Jon, when you have feelings, ideas and want to take actions that are not OKed by Jon what do you do?

53. I'm a man 31 years old. I love women.......but please come back at home....to cook..to do domestic works...to iron our shirts.....women should only obey is their man is intelligent and caring. Stop feminists,...

54. I come to tears whenever confronted with a wrongdoing. I am filled with fear and confusion for reasons I do not know. My dom has viewed this behavior as lack of willingness on my part, and that leaves me heartbroken. I would appreciate any comments from subs who have gone through something similar to this.

55. As a dominant male I sometimes don't get to hear what's on my subs mind because she's so obedient. It's exciting to read what goes on in a subs mind.

56. By luck I got on to this site and then came to know that there are many like me. How do I narrate my experience?

57. We have been married for two years. After the first four months of marriage, it felt like something was missing, and we both feel that D&S is it. We have both agreed that this is the type of relationship that we want and need. The problem is, we really don't know how to begin.

58. Recently, I visited a site where they classify themselves as "rogue subbies" who celebrate the "darkside" of D/s and BDSM. Isn't that an oxymoron? What is your take on the subject?

59. I've been told I wouldn't make a good Dom. I wonder if it's because of me having a slight case of cerebral palsy. What do you think?

60. I am a submissive but not interested in a 24/7 arrangement. Are there others like me?

61. I just read your comments on the Gorean Lifestyle and wonder if you ever spoke or really understood what we stand for. Yes we take our philosophy from the books of John Norman but we are not the game players you speak of. I think that what John Norman was saying in his books..is that in nature there is the dominate and the submissive...for humans the larger stronger of our sexes is the dominate...the male and females the smaller and weaker the submissive...I would like you to look a little more closely at a side of D/s you really do not understand, but than again I rarely find anyone on BDSM that does understand it. You complain of our lack of safewords ect and feel it is a crime, yet do you know that we don't play on the edge like the SMers do.

62. I have recently had a very bad experience with D/s, and I need some advice on how to handle it. My Dom sent me to be with another Dom who he thought he knew quite well. This other Dom took advantage of me in a big way and hurt me physically. Now my Dom feels responsible guilty and now is finding it impossible to Dom me.

63. I just contacted a dominant female over the net. Since then, we've had wonderful times together. But, as it is, I seem awfully "loyal" to her, and feel like I should do all I can for her. So, when we're together I try to make things as easy for her. We still only exist on a "business" relationship. Should I be expecting more?

64. I find that you and many other people in the scene to answer people's statements and questions in a very judgmental way, saying things such as "that is wrong," "that is bad," "that is not what it's about." People who engage in d/s sex, or other types of marginal sex are usually intelligent and open-minded. They don't need to be told about rules, but rather to make up their own rules, in accordance to their needs/desires. I hope you accept this as constructive criticism.

65. I object to your labeling different "types" of relationships as this prevents those of us who do not label our relationships from feeling OK about our relationships and even from meeting face to face. I also object to your promotion of a pornographic site on your pages.

66. I am in love with a very dominant man and I desperately need help in learning how to give up the strong, demanding part of me in order to please him. How do I do this?

More Questions and Provocative Comments Will Be Added As We Find the Time.

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